She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
