I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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