Duck Duck Cougar?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
