Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize