Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
