YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
