For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
