I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
