I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
