So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
