Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
