Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
