This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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