fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
