Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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