my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
