i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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