I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it glows. i had to have it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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