She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
