is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
