its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
