I wannas sexs uuuuu
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
