Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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