This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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