ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
