we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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