Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
