dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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