im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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