watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
