i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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