He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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