i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
