wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
