Me. At least after what I've been through.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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