I puked a lego.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
