Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
