i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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