yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
