phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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