I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
