did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
