theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
