I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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