My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
