Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
