Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
