as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize