this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
