Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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