Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
