...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
