I think my fart just growled at me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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