i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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