I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
