Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
