I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Your penis caused this!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
