I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
