Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
