She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
