he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
