ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
false alarm. still invincible.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
