i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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