the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am one with the molecules
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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