If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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