butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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