Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
