census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
