So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The air was thick with penises
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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