I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
