I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
