And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
