Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
