Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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