Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
