mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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