is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
