So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
