covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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