drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
