New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You're like the curious george of whores
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
