I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
