u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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